Drifting appart

When opposites don’t attract

Some opposites attract and complement each other, and create a whole that’s more and better than the sum of the parts.

Other opposites are dangerous.

For me, one of the worst happens when two people love each other, but have radically different views on how to deal with their issues.

One of them thinks “Let’s talk now, before it becomes a problem“.

The other one thinks “Why talk now, if there is no problem?“.

Tragedy strikes when too soon becomes too late.

Average among giants

Would you rather be the best among the average, or average among the best?

Average among giants

Here’s a question I often ask myself:

If you had to choose between being the best among average people, or being average among great people, what would you choose?

Now, I know everybody would probably want to be the best among the great, but I think these are two very real options for most of us.

Being the best among average people will feed our Ego, and this can be a pretty irresistible temptation. This is because we all like feeling special, “better” in some way.

For some people it will mean having a great job. For others, a good marriage. It could even mean being fit and slim.

Comparing ourselves to others and coming out as the “winning” side will probably boost our self-esteem, and make us feel more secure, even if we’re not setting the bar high at all.

The problem is, of course, that if we only base our sense of wellness by being the best in our small, limited world, we will never be our best selves. Not to mention, it can lead to irrational behavior and the small self-esteem boost will not last, because it was never real to begin with.

On the other hand, we can swallow our Ego, and always aim higher. Even if this means we will just be another one in the crowd, if this is a crowd of talented people, who are an inspiration, a “healthy” competition, then we’ll always have potential to be better.

Granted, being average is not something our Ego will love, and will resist against it. It may have us feeling down, or maybe that we’re not even good enough. But in our true self, we’ll know that we’re aiming for real growth, and not just recognition from others.

So when I ask myself the question, do I want to be great among the average or average among the great, I fight my ego and remind myself that if I ever want to achieve greatness (whatever that may mean to me), then it doesn’t matter if I am better than somebody else, as long as I am the best possible version of myself at the moment.

The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday

Comparing yourself to others can lead to irrational behaviour

In a beautiful coincidence (maybe a serendipity?), one of my favorite blogs, 99U, has published today a great quote on the How to stop comparing yourself to others topic.

In their selected paragraph, they quote Harvard Business School Professor Francesca Gino, who elaborates further on the negative consequences that comparing yourself to others can have. Particularly, when making decisions:

On a wide range of dimensions, from how trustworthy we are to how good looking others find us to be, we often compare ourselves to our peers to evaluate where we stand. These types of social comparisons can lead to irrational behaviors. For instance, we may accept a job offer paying a lower salary than another that pays more but where other people like us make more money than we would.

You can read more about it on 99U.

Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle

How to stop comparing yourself to others

Every time things aren’t going exactly as I had planned in my life, I tend to make the same huge mistake: I start comparing myself to others who have, are, or do what I wished I did. Actually, a lot of us do it.

The problem us that comparing ourselves to other people will not only do nothing for our well-being, but will actually have us feeling more unsatisfied or depressed. Good news is: we have the power within ourselves to stop doing it and live a happier, more fulfilling life.

Why comparing yourself to others is harmful

Before we go any further, let me say that not all comparisons are bad. In fact, looking upon other people who are successful or have accomplished something that we would also like to, is good inspiration and motivation in many cases.

However, when comparisons are born from frustration in our own lives, the result is quite the opposite.

Don't compare your beginning to someone else's middle

Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle

You see, there are no two lives exactly the same. This may sound obvious, but when we’re not feeling completely satisfied, we tend to forget it. It is easy for us to believe that because we have something in common with another person (it could be age, work experience, education, you name it), all the conditions are met so that we achieve the same results.

But in reality, while maybe one or two variables are alike, there are an infinite number of other factors that make comparisons unrealistic. So whether you come off as the “worse”or “better” part in the comparison, you will only be fooling yourself.

Happiness and personal development are not competitions. Even if you compare yourself to someone else and feel like you’re in a better place, you’ll only be stepping away from your own path, too concerned looking at what the rest are doing.

And if the result of the comparison is the feeling that you’re doing worse, you’ll just add unnecessary and unproductive distress to your life.

How to stop comparing yourself to others

So, how do you stop comparing yourself to others? What do you do instead? You only compare yourself… to yourself.

The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday

The only person you should try to be better than, is the person you were yesterday

You are your own North, the only valid variable against which you can contemplate your life and decide if you’re where you want to be. Or if it’s time to do something about it.

Think about the person you were some months ago, maybe even a year, five or ten ago. Are you closer to your dreams? Are you happier? Are you living by your believes and values?

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TweetDeck-Old-Logo

What the death of “Old TweetDeck” can teach us about flexibility

TweetDeck-Old-Logo

I loved the old TweetDeck, the yellow one. I still do. I’ve refused to change to the official version for so long, never minding the lack of updates, or the knowledge that this was a relationship with an expiration date after the announcement that it was no longer going to be supported.

Sadly, the expiration date is upon us, and as of tomorrow, the old version of Tweetdeck will no longer be supported, will cease to function, and will end up in the box of “things that were cooler before”, at least for some time.

However, there’s a good lesson behind this, for those of us who have been holding on to that old version. It’s an oldie but goodie: flexibility is the key to keep enjoying life even when things don’t go exactly as planned.

The only constant in life, is change. The sooner we make our peace with that, the better off we’ll be dealing with the challenges that we face inevitably.

Yeah, I would prefer to keep using old, yellow TweetDeck, rather than the blue one. But this is just a tool, a means to an end. It is the end what really matters, and as long as we keep that in mind, we’ll always be fine.

My goal, my “end” in life is to be happy. And when something doesn’t go as planned, like a break-up, a job change, an economic fall, it always helps me to remember that being flexible (despite the pain that some loses may cause) is the one thing that will keep me on track to be happy.

Taking the first step on this journey

A friend of mine recently showed me a piece of writing. It said

The first step to get anywhere, is deciding you will no longer stay where you are.

It’s funny how we can read those cheesy phrases a thousand times, and then one will hit you when you least expect it. This happened to me today.

I realize it is the main reason I’m opening this new space. I’m not sure where I want to go, but I do know that I don’t want to stay where I am.

Life is not bad for me. I have a good job, a loving family, a great boyfriend. And still, I feel like I’ve been stalled for too long. My life dreams are not getting any closer, and it is about time I set out to chase them.

A clean slate, a fresh start

This is not my first blog. It’s not even my eighth, to be honest, although if we count only the active ones, we could put it in a good third place.

So, why open yet another blog, when I barely have time to keep the other two updated at all? I just realized, it’s the need of a fresh start, a clean slate.

I have been blogging in Spanish for almost 5 years now, with a decent amount of success (at least, under my personal criteria) but I feel that my baggage is now so heavy that I can’t get out of the routine, I can’t break through my community anymore, I can’t make something new.

And then I thought, the world is so much bigger than my little blogging bubble. There’s so much to write about, so many new people to meet, to reach.

So, here I am, looking for a fresh start, still not knowing exactly what I’m aiming for, but with one thing I do know: if I want to get to wherever I’m supposed to, I’d better start moving.